6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
