i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
