she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
