I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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