I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
