It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
