Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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