I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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