i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
