doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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