Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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