It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
