Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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