so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
