i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
