That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
