Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
