yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
