I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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