my vag is so smooth its legendary
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
