Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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