You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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