Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
tell your sister to shave her snatch
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize