you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm just crazy horny about you
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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