If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
