I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
