Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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