Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
