Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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