called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
