Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
