He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
