we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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