First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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