I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
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