I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
