His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
As shirtless as possible
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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