i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
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He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
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These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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