sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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