I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
