We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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