Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
