I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
