I accidentally had phone sex last night
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
