Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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