Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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