is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
