I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
