I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
