Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
