yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
