He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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