3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
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She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
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Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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