i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
