Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
