He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
