Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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