I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
