"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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