I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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