No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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