I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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