We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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