Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
