My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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