dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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