I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
