i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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