I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
