We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i drank out of a bidet.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
