and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
