why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
