I want to stick my p in your. b.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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