he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My pussy is not your playground.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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